Why I nearly committed suicide because of Bullying on Anti-SocialMedia & how they left my reputation in tatters. (Part 1)

Over the last week I have been subjected to the most vicious trolling I’ve ever experienced since joining Twitter 9 years ago. I have always tried my hardest to block out negativity by blocking & reporting accounts which have been complicit in targeted harassment against me or made me feel uncomfortable with negative replies on my tweets. However this approach has proven to be actually quite counter productive, because I’ve found that people who I’ve blocked then seem to gang up with others I’ve blocked & unfortunately the consequences are that I lose followers & in the process I lose the trust & support of so many people too. It is heartbreaking to say the least for me to see how many people whom I considered comrades in our fightback against this Tory Dictatorship & for Socialism in Britain have chosen to believe the malicious lies being spread about me & chose to unfollow & block me, without first taking time to hear my side of the story.

On the 23rd October I became aware of an account on Twitter called ‘Keir Ruption @apparent1y’ which was calling the existence of one of my followers ‘Rose-Marie’ a scam. Rose-Marie was one of my most treasured followers & seeing her tweets always gave me positivity, even on my darkest days. So as soon as I saw what this individual had wrote in their tweets I promptly blocked the account. At the same time I was being trolled by an account called @Elaine_Lanie69 on Twitter, which was making false accusations about me based on my past mistakes, calling me an oxygen thief amongst several other insults. At this point I blocked this account & reported their tweets for engaging in targeted harassment against me. Twitter later emailed me back to say they felt this account hadn’t broke their rules & that no action would be taken.

I then became aware of another account @RubberDogMan who’d posted a highly edited video of me, using content I’d posted on my timeline in the past. He called the video “Obsession” by Sy Hawkes & it was edited with a sole purpose of painting a false narrative to suggest that I was obsessed with another account on Twitter @Rachael_Swindon. He suggested that I was a scammer who sought to take down genuine causes, in order to free up a market for my own fundraisers. He then went on to say that he felt I was coming for him & others & that I should consider myself cancelled.

I then received a DM from one of my followers, who told me they’d noticed what others were saying about me & they said it’s always the same accounts who seem to pile on against me & that they thought these people felt this @apparent1y account was created by me.

Later that evening it came to my attention that @RubberDogMan who I now know to be James Cochrane had stated that I had created an account which was making absurd claims & I’d tagged MET Police saying he had threatened to behead my son & that I’ve campaigned against Socialists for a very long time.

People began replying to his tweets who I’d blocked in the past for negative replies on my tweets & they were reaffirming the accusations. One person said she’d helped me with donations for a year & implied she had a grievance with me. This is because I had blocked her when she started replying negatively on my tweets & making me feel uncomfortable. Even if someone helps me, it doesn’t give them the power to subject me to negativity or to make me feel uncomfortable.

Before I go any further I’d like to firstly start off by saying that I have never spoken to James Cochrane (@RubberDogMan/@SenderOfPoo) in my life before & i don’t recall me ever tagging MET Police in any post saying he’d threatened to behead my son. Quite frankly it’s bizarre & deeply disturbing, especially given the fact I don’t know this person. I’ve not been in any dialogue with him whatsoever & all of a sudden out of the blue he’s making wild accusations about me & posting doxxed content of me on his timeline.

I then began to notice that other accounts who’d subjected me to targeted harassment in the past were getting involved & in effect inflaming the situation. I’ve had numerous issues with ‘Catweazle @johnkkelly2 engaging in targeted harassment against me, which penultimately led to the individual having their account restricted by Twitter in the weeks leading up to this latest sequence of events.

I noticed @Johnkkelly2 had replied to @RubberDogMan’s tweet about me, stating that I was a nasty piece of work & that I was jealous of others.

It also came to my attention that this individual was engaging with another person I’ve had issues with on Twitter in the past @wrenasaurus which also resulted in me blocking her.

I then posted a tweet to my followers which stated that an individual who had his account restricted by Twitter for engaging in targeted harassment against me was in dialogue with @Wrenasaurus, who I’ve also blocked for negativity & trolling in the past.

This tweet was noticed by @wrenasaurus, although I’m not sure how because I’d blocked this person on my account & also on @SocialistHeart.

The next morning I woke up & noticed that she’d posted a tweet wondering what she had done. Even though it was clearly stated in my tweet that she was engaging with an individual who had subjected me to horrific abuse in the past, which penultimately led to the person having their account restricted.

I also noticed that the edited video of me circulating on Twitter had come to the attention of one of my followers, who did well to call out the fact that @RubberDogMan had edited this video with the sole purpose of painting a false narrative about me.

By this time I noticed that many other accounts were replying to @RubberDogMan’s tweet falsely accusing me of being behind the @apparent1y account which called the existence of @Rose_Marie a scam.

People were asking @RubberDogMan whether it was me who was behind the @apparent1y account. He replied to @carmel_prescott stating that it was me & a couple of others. He also then went on stating to others that I had set up an account to attack him & Carmel Prescott.

I then took a screenshot recording of the video which was circulating on Twitter & I posted it on my profile & also on @SocialistHeart, with a purpose of keeping my followers informed about what was happening. People began replying to these tweets & failed to recognise that the edited video of me was created with malicious intent to smear & discredit me.

On 24th October at 12.32pm I received a notification of a tweet from @Carmel_Prescott which was encouraging me to commit suicide, by asking me if I felt suicidal right now. It’s worth mentioning that prior to this she had blocked me & she unblocked me temporarily to post that tweet to me & then she promptly blocked me again.

The tweet was noticed by the individual behind the @apparent1y account which also recognised that Carmel was actually encouraging me to commit suicide.

It also came to my attention the next morning that @RubberDogMan was trying to incriminate me, when he posted tweets stating that he had an appointment to speak to police. I then noticed that both @Wrenasaurus & @RubberDogMan had posted tweets encouraging people to follow @SillySkulker, who has also been complicit in trolling me in the past.

I also noticed shortly afterwards @Wrenasaurus had also posted a tweet which implied to me that she was trying to raise funds which she said was for the costs of PPE for her company. This raised my suspicions that there was something sinister going on & I posted a tweet to my followers advising them to exercise caution.

I later deleted this tweet because I felt it was just making the situation even worse. I didn’t post this tweet with any malice whatsoever. I posted it simply to advise my followers to exercise caution, because they’d helped me so much this year & I felt it was my duty to look out for them.

Shortly afterwards it came to my attention that @Wrenasaurus had posted a thread titled ‘Scammers’ where she stated that others had accused her of being complicit in scamming people on Twitter. She didn’t mention my name I this thread, however I soon noticed that @Rachael_Swindon had replied on the thread stating that she knew who had accused her of being a scammer & that they won’t win. She also began replying on the tweet posted by @RubberDogMan containing the edited video of me, as one of my followers was defending me. She simply stated to him that he had made a fake video of me & highlighted to him the fact that he was complicit in bullying a man suffering from Mental Health difficulties.

Rachael Swindon then got involved & replied to her stating that she was defending a “violent narcissist” & that people can make their own conclusions based on evidence.

Many of my followers will be aware that I suffer with severe depression & anxiety which I’ve battled against since I was 18 years old & because of this I will always seek to swerve away from negativity & trolling on Social Media for the sake of my own Mental Health. With everything I’d been subjected to, the final straw for me was when Rachael Swindon got involved & called me a “violent narcissist” to one of my followers.

On 25th October at 2.57pm I posted a tweet to my followers stating that I was going for a long walk & to get some fresh air, because I couldn’t cope with the sheer amount of trolling & negativity I was being subjected to. I stated that I wanted to escape from it all & to find some peace.

I then promptly left my flat & walked to the train station & caught the next train to Worcester. I usually go to Worcester to see my friends & to take time out for my mental well-being by walking along the river & finding somewhere nice & quiet to sit to bask in beautiful surroundings & to regather my thoughts. On this occasion though I did go for a walk along the river, but whilst I was sitting there I made the mistake of going back on Twitter. It was bugging me that people were slandering me behind my back to thousands of people & I then noticed that Rachael Swindon had posted a long thread shaming me to her 81,000 followers.

Before I go any further in this extensive article I will just say that despite whether a person blocks me on Twitter it is still possible for me to see what a person is saying about me behind my back, should I suspect that individuals are complicit in targeted harassment against me. I do not use sock or alternative accounts as others have falsely accused me of. Any profile which is public can be viewed in any web browser, simply by not logging into any account. For example Socialist Heart 🌹❤️ can be accessed by typing the web address as http://www.Twitter.com/SocialistHeart & a person could then see all our tweets, regardless of whether we’ve blocked them on any profile.

Whilst I was sitting along the River in Worcester I discovered that Rachael Swindon had posted an extensive thread shaming me to her 81,000 followers. What I was about to see was what led to me taking the sudden decision to walk towards the City Centre again & up onto the roof of a multi-storey car park where I walked up to the highest level & stood looking over the edge in the wet & cold weather just contemplating throwing myself off there to end everything.

She went to the extreme effort of trawling through my Facebook posts all the way back to 2013 & found some posts where I shared some misguided political beliefs at the time surrounding our membership of the EU & me expressing support for Nigel Farage & then going further by photoshopping my Facebook posts contrary to what I actually wrote, with a sole purpose of trying to paint a false narrative about me. She also suggested that I tried to raise £25,000 to buy a Narrowboat, but I only ended up getting enough to buy a 2020 model iPhone.

This couldn’t be any further from the truth. Firstly I have never expressed support as such for Nigel Farage, I was misguided, young & naive at the time, but I wanted to learn about politics because I knew what was going on with the Tories. I soon discovered that Farage & UKIP were in effect just another Tory party, even further to the right than the Tories are… if that’s even possible. I won’t be the first to admit I have genuine concerns around uncontrolled mass immigration in Britain under the current deeply flawed & corrupted model of Capitalism. Under a Socialist Govt however my concerns around immigration would not be present, as peoples lives will not be affected so much by widespread endemic levels of poverty & unemployment entrenched in many towns & cities across the country.

She also implied that I was being dishonest with my crowdfunding campaign to raise funds to buy a 30 foot narrowboat to escape the torment & bullying I am experiencing from my neighbours. There was nothing whatsoever dishonest about my campaign. I tried to raise funds to buy a narrowboat, however the campaign did not meet its target within the time-frame Crowdfunder had specified. Therefore I did only raise a total of £811 & I informed my followers that I would use this money to resolve my accommodation issues, however a couple of weeks later I was subject to trolling again on Twitter from @Wrenasaurus & that’s when I lost my iPhone on the train. I wasn’t able to stay in touch with any of my friends or followers on Social Media & because of ongoing threats to my safety from my neighbours I was left with little choice but to replace my iPhone & I let my followers know too, because I will never hide anything from anyone.

I have never threatened to harm myself if I didn’t get my own way or enough for a new iPhone. I have always been genuine in everything I’ve said & in what I tried to achieve from my crowdfunding campaign. It may well have been unrealistic or a far fetched idea, but I was never dishonest. I don’t threaten to harm myself because I don’t get my own way, I am just relaying the detrimental effects specific circumstances are having on Mental Health.

I did make 2 videos about Rachael Swindon earlier this year & they were to calm down the trolling I was subjected to along with claims that I was obsessed with her. That couldn’t be any further from the truth, I am not obsessed with her whatsoever. I just remember following her, engaging with her tweets & she never followed me back or engaged back with me, so I just questioned but I never demanded why she didn’t reciprocate the follow & justmade me feel ignored instead. It’s not how I go about things, maybe I’ve just got different standards I don’t know but all I seek to do is to unite our Socialist movement & being able to stand in solidarity with one another & put our personal indifferences aside is crucial to our success.

Rachael was so desperate to throw anything she could at me to discredit me on Twitter that she even went to the effort of looking all the way back to 2013 when I was involved in a man incident with a friend I grew up with & stabbed me in the back by sleeping with my ex girlfriend. Nobody can understand what I went through when I was younger & they haven’t lived my life either. I have never tried to make excuses for my past mistakes, but I will say that I have learnt from every single mistake I’ve ever made. I believe that life is one big lesson & whether we learn the lessons are what shapes us as a person.

I will also add that I have never made any threats against Rachael Swindon nor any other individual on Twitter, it’s not something I want to engage in & leads to trouble. I’ve found the best way to deal with negativity is to just block it out, however I’ve been finding that increasingly hard of late as I’ve found people I’ve blocked just gang up against me with one another spreading vicious lies & false accusations about me.

This is not “anti-migrant bilge” as Rachael describes it. It is an accurate version of events which have took place in my own life & how I was lifted out of poverty when I found employment & I was led to believe that I was going places in life, only to have my life turned upside down again. At the time I wrote this post i was angry & confused. I had just secured a £40,000 contract for the company I was managing & instead of congratulating me the director just sacked me instead, saying he no longer needed me.

Just for the record I never claimed that I was being “followed & harassed” in my local Morrison’s. I stated that at the checkouts I was directed to use a self-service checkout by their Security Guard who spoke to me like dirt & wasn’t complying with Social Distancing. This is already documented on another article on this blog & yet again Rachael Swindon is twisting the truth, in order to paint a false narrative about what actually happened.

Rachael Swindon has been complicit in photoshopping my Facebook posts & replacing words, in order to paint a false narrative & to discredit me. Her actions are truly shameful & inexcusable, she is driven purely by her hatred for me & this is the reason she has gone to such extreme lengths to smear me & to destroy my reputation.

It’s important to mention that at no point during this latest hate campaign have I responded to Rachael Swindon nor any other individual complicit in targeted harassment against me. I’ve blocked all these individuals on both my personal account & on @SocialistHeart too. I also did nothing to instigate it either. It happened because I was falsely accused of being behind an account which called our dear fallen comrade @rose_marie a scam.

I wasn’t even aware of the existence of @RubberDogMan/@SenderOfPoo until this latest sequence of events happened & I have been told that he was jealous about the amount of followers I had & he felt that I didn’t deserve them.

These individuals have been complicit in relentless bullying & targeted harassment of me on Twitter for the entire past week. It is solely because of them that I took the decision to walk up onto the roof of a multi-storey car park & stood on the edge staring down at the floor contemplating ending my own life. I would have done it too, had it not been for a concerned member of the public who came back to their car, saw me & came over to talk to me. I owe my life to this person, because if it wasn’t for them then I would have jumped to a certain death.

This article is already getting very extensive & I’d like to give you something new to read today so I’m going to tie things off here, but please keep an eye out for Part 2 of this article coming soon.

Solidarity Always Dear Comrades ✊🏼🌹❤️🇬🇧

Article Written & Prepared by Sy Hawkes & Published on 5th November 2020

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: